The Problems: Judgy tureens of Snapple®; John touches every LARP-er; bell tones snap to grid; O. Henry’s recursive taxi talk; Merlin’s awkward dental bragging; Grant makes his initial bones with a pig; thanks for the add; scaling the Cynicism Fence; Såra deliberately provokes The Colonel; stressful tooth fats; Bentham’s box; grooming a Brony; Idaho’s beard crackdown; it’s still Donnas all the way down; landing face-first in a scrum of leaves; using a word that don’t mean nothin’, like “looptid”; plus, John settles on his new Comic-Con persona.
The Problems: Preparing the stage for Mr. Roderick; laminating the lady in the field; John battles mean stycks with Feminesium; oratory from a conveyor belt; graciously accepting a doll made of human hair; plus, everybody hates a crappy birthday grift.
The Problems: Brobdingnagian morning cookies; the time LTJG David Roderick (USN) kind of maybe scared off a Zero with his rogue Colt M1911; Merlin windmills through his brief Kneepads and Floppy Epaulets Phase; why John thinks depths charges are a careless and potentially orphan-endangering pussy move; John discovers an oxidizing superpower—then struggles to find a cool name; Billy Joel and his stupid goddamned loose tie bullshit; Merlin tries in vain to keep his new bell a little special; fortifying your underwater home against an attack by Navy SEALs; nobody just “walks away” from a Coffeetology® audit; John poses for Playboy with his cripplingly handsome friend, Jon Hamm; post-mortem on ’30s gangster things; Pete Townshend is attacked by a long-range baby marmot cannon; “Oooooo, hey, everybody, look at me! I’m some Somalian guy and I give everybody tickets!”; that one time when John and Merlin shot big guns; methods for concealing your (standard) yacht from Malaccan pirates; The Dardanelles Mountain Goat; streamlining childbirth via the metaphorical ordnance of Battlestar Galactica (no, the 1978 one); a much-needed clinic for teaching ladies proper loogie aperture; Really? Wooden knife? Really?; no, sir, you can’t slip a urethra by John Roderick; fantasies of Elle Macpherson on a juicy and super-hot Copenhagen run; arriving late to the Damascan spy game—perhaps in a robe; in Soviet Ukraine, collaborators Vichy you; never hide stuff in the actual yogurt place, because that’s just what they’d be expecting; apolougies from the deferential bottom gangs of Canada; the gun that lets pirates know when business is meant; okay, so, we’ll give Turkey maaaaaaaybe a “7”; one headlamp per doorknob; years John was literally soaking in war; plus, John and Merlin finally prepare to launch Hitler ’n Stuff!
The Problems: The Conversion of the Jutes; maids of scullery, milk, and otherwise; hacks for avoiding Saturday fires; Roderick’s Law of Condescending Reverse Obsequiousness; No Claptons, No Claptons, No Claptons!; concentric naval circles around the seaman’s wheelhouse; the decline and fall of one anachronistic 11-year-old impressionist; Buck Owens, The Second Moog Enthusiast; yeah, well, The Fantastic Four already did that; John’s latest observations about windows; Supertrain to the rescue!; understanding epidemic famine from inside a moderately tight Methodist tube; an abridged retrospective of Wendy William Walter Carlos Williams Williams; dry burgers—you know, for kids; Merlin can’t even get into his whole Jean Grey Thing; the hosts’ shared dread of The Bikini Toll; things from which no good can come; important steps for qualifying your new Chapman Stickman; John shot first; “Shabbos, Wiry Shabbos”; Silicon Valley’s ironic afro aeronautics; why is this Wednesday different from all other days?; plus, Merlin repeatedly struggles to help John understand a canny but admittedly elaborate plan for interfaith human barter.