The Problems: The Conversion of the Jutes; maids of scullery, milk, and otherwise; hacks for avoiding Saturday fires; Roderick’s Law of Condescending Reverse Obsequiousness; No Claptons, No Claptons, No Claptons!; concentric naval circles around the seaman’s wheelhouse; the decline and fall of one anachronistic 11-year-old impressionist; Buck Owens, The Second Moog Enthusiast; yeah, well, The Fantastic Four already did that; John’s latest observations about windows; Supertrain to the rescue!; understanding epidemic famine from inside a moderately tight Methodist tube; an abridged retrospective of Wendy William Walter Carlos Williams Williams; dry burgers—you know, for kids; Merlin can’t even get into his whole Jean Grey Thing; the hosts’ shared dread of The Bikini Toll; things from which no good can come; important steps for qualifying your new Chapman Stickman; John shot first; “Shabbos, Wiry Shabbos”; Silicon Valley’s ironic afro aeronautics; why is this Wednesday different from all other days?; plus, Merlin repeatedly struggles to help John understand a canny but admittedly elaborate plan for interfaith human barter.
The Problems: visions of candy-corn antennae; the 4 kinds of kids; casual racism toward lions; John’s kosher ambulance conundrum; things that used to be other things; a misspent youth in pipebomb sales; sitting precariously on the sill of gay; John and Merlin find consonance in a dot-com incubator; the superiority of French «ordnance et matériel»; Mr. Shackleford gets an earring; hanky code culture jams; understanding dancing and spitballs; O’Look, a restaurant; and Merlin’s grave discomfort with John’s copious bukkits of sexual Weltanschauung.
The Problems: Addressing the ersatz physicians of midwestern Christian aristocracy; The He-Man John Roderick Haters Club; goose-stepping at Schützenfest; enjoying a fancy meal at Sclerotic McStuffingtons™; Le Petite Mal Mort de «Mademoiselle»; the awkward moment when Olive Garden stops regarding you as “family”; some dueling freedoms of a very young America; how Merlin became a youthful “Senior”; and why John started crying when he learned that the trains never really ran on time.
The Problems: gripping at sand in Noordwijk; handcuffs on the rear-view mirror; dancing for children in a public square; how to stock up for John; trying to outsmart ghosts; learning why we stopped sleeping outside; how much for that dream girl in the window?; and the night John finally realized what The Light Dome was doing.
The Problems: hippies vs. stoners; lost in Wikipedia; thumbing a ride to Kilimanjaro; the Petty Thieves of Avignon; John’s raving on a Spanish beach; when good battles nice; 24-track tape you could read through; the persistence of zombies; living with shaka brah hand; great monks versus garden-variety crazies; manning a booth down by the fish-throwers; alignment for non-paladins; and—finally—a universe-saving theme song John can live with.
The Problems: John’s compromised immune system; Achilles’ lung; octogenarian barrel rolls; compulsory camps for teens; a cup of hobo cigarettes; getting schooled by The Jesuit; a hurried snapshot in Harlem; why Merlin blames Joni Mitchell; and John’s potential as a reluctant, no-nonsense lawman.
The Problems: John’s waxy buildup; The Bubble Bath Rotation; helping two halfway houses become a whole; some benefits of German underpants; Sly offers a PA some oral notes; Cal stands upon his head; Merlin’s unfortunate Era Era; A Brief History of John’s Egregious Rashes; and mastering the international hand gestures that ensure a great haircut.
The Problems: John refutes Poe’s telephone; surprising contagion of the beloved vuvuzuvuzela; Roger Daltrey: District Attorney; The ’Barrow Boy’s Patrician Shrug; a balrog in the dwarf mines; comments are still steadfastly disabled; white wizard potential; longevity means finding room in one’s book; John considers removing lady embolisms as a move; how you get the Center Square; Vincent Price’s productive eyebrows; why Van Halen’s making nothing off those damned coke mirrors; John identifies Merlin’s liquids and many songs about pirates; Triumph of the Poutine; the trouble with thinking; the night John’s pillows watched over him; inflammable roach clips; a rockabilly song about dragons; A Brief History of Unnavigable Carnival Mud; initiation into the family coven; John considers some costly boots for his kit; and, our first biological interlude.
The Problems: Our great nation’s vein of Juggalos; out-of-period (OOP) vermin; small-cask Canadian hooker bacon; adventures in intellectual LARP-ing; underwhelming donut memorials (and their equally disappointing water features); preferred ladies footwear for dramatic airport escapes; John’s nationally-televised bass premiere; and the quiet release of some handy tail-losing techniques.