The Merlin Mann Amazon Store Blog

TUTORIAL 3: Using All My Free Advice for Your Fucking Bullshit (aka I FUCKING Quit)

Date: 2008-12-23

Canon EOS 5D Mark II 21.1MP Full Frame CMOS Digital SLR Camera with EF 24-105mm f/4 L IS USM Lens

I’m fucking done with you people. If you can’t get the money together to buy one fucking camera, I’m fucking over it.

This is the last tutorial and this website is fucking closed.

But you can still buy a fucking camera. But I know you won’t. So, fuck you.

And Happy Holidays.


How To Use a Fucking Camera (Part 3) from Merlin Mann on Vimeo.

FILED UNDER: fucking, cameras, tutorials, methadone, family, christmas, i fucking quit

TUTORIAL 2: How To Light Your Fucking Bullshit Photos Nobody Cares About

Date: 2008-12-08

Canon EOS 5D Mark II 21.1MP Full Frame CMOS Digital SLR Camera with EF 24-105mm f/4 L IS USM Lens

You know what? I fucking give up on you people. No one has bought fucking ANYTHING. So, apparently I have to blow the entire fuckwad internet to get you dickheads to buy one fucking camera? Whatever, dude.

Fuck it. Here’s how to light all the bullshit no one with a job or a steady piece of ass cares that you took a fucking photo of. “Oooooo…look at me! I’m taking picture of my giant expensive steak! I’m a fucking blogger!

If you don’t buy a fucking camera, I swear to God: I will find where you live and personally shit on your windshield.

Happy Holidays.


How to Use a Fucking Camera (Part 2 - Lighting) from Merlin Mann on Vimeo.

FILED UNDER: fucking, cameras, tutorials, bullshit, lighting, food blogging, my fucking boss

TUTORIAL: How to Use a Fucking Camera (Part 1)

Date: 2008-12-07

Canon EOS 5D Mark II 21.1MP Full Frame CMOS Digital SLR Camera with EF 24-105mm f/4 L IS USM Lens

Jesus Fuck. I literally cannot believe I’m doing this, but a bunch of you fucking people whined about wanting to know how to use a fucking camera, so I borrowed my asshole brother-in-law’s work computer and made this awesome HOWTO webatorinar.

IMPORTANT: DO NOT EVEN FUCKING THINK OF WATCHING THIS UNLESS YOU BUY A FUCKING CAMERA FIRST!!!


How To Use a Fucking Camera (Part 1) from Merlin Mann on Vimeo.

FILED UNDER: fucking, cameras, tutorials, bullshit

Web Community for Your New Fucking Camera

Date: 2008-12-05

Canon EOS 5D Mark II 21.1MP Full Frame CMOS Digital SLR Camera with EF 24-105mm f/4 L IS USM Lens

Okay, so, again: this is where you can buy a fucking camera.

But a lot of people write and are all blah blah blah about how they also want a fucking “community” where they can interact and collaborate and leave comments and whatever the fuck “community” means for some brainiac who takes 20 minutes to fucking write about wanting to make friends with a piece of mute japanese hardware.

Here’s the thing: buy a fucking camera. That’s your new community, okay? It’s a fucking camera. And your new leader, the fucking camera, loves you and shits gold stars and “friends” your ass for fucking buying it, okay? Congratulations on being best buddies with a fucking camera, dipshit.

JESUS, who do I have to blow to get this into your goddamn head? Buy. A. Fucking. Camera. Fucking Christmas is making you people into goddamn retards.

Anyway, enjoy the community, and Happy Holidays from everyone at the Merlin Mann Amazon Store.

FILED UNDER: fucking, cameras, community, bullshit, gold stars, friends

Buy a Fucking Camera

Date: 2008-12-04

Canon EOS 5D Mark II 21.1MP Full Frame CMOS Digital SLR Camera with EF 24-105mm f/4 L IS USM Lens

Welcome to the Merlin Mann Amazon Store Blog. This is a new site where you can buy a fucking camera.

The camera that you will buy can take pictures of pretty much anything you can see, as long as there’s light and you have batteries or whatever the fuck. Also it’s good to — I dunno — take on vacation or whatever.

JESUS, just go buy a fucking camera.

It’s fucking Christmas, dude, so this would be nice for anyone who needs a fucking camera. Do you want the camera for yourself? Good. Fucking buy it.

If you have no idea how to use a camera, just search Google to find some fucking tips and PDFs or whatever. It’s easy enough for any giant dumbass to use this camera without totally fucking up, because basically you just point it at shit and pictures come out or whatever. It’s so fucking easy if you just buy the fucking camera.

But don’t get all worked up about all that before you buy the camera. You will have time to dick around with this shit later. Right now, it’s just very important that you go buy a fucking camera.

Have a nice holiday, but definitely buy the fucking camera.

FILED UNDER: fucking, cameras, conversations, twools

Thank you for shopping The Merlin Mann Amazon Store.
Happy holidays, and enjoy your fucking camera.